


Moss

by Tulikettu



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Clay Deserves Nice Things, M/M, Minor Fjord/Jester Lavorre, POV Fjord (Critical Role), Plant Imagery, Wild boys should also be a ship name, Xhorhaus, and some other stuff, down time, fjorclay, stupid love confessions, there's some
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26495638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tulikettu/pseuds/Tulikettu
Summary: Fjord thinks the time has finally come for them to pay more attention to this thing they started long ago. But time changes things and people, and something else has happened without him noticing.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 11
Kudos: 153





	Moss

They’re over before they even begin. And it kind of hurts a little.

There’s time now. It’s peaceful. No one is dying, no ancient gods are ascending, there’s no war. For now everything is good. They’re all living normal lives together. They’re in the Xhorhaus because that’s...well, that’s kind of home. Caleb is learning from Essek, Veth has brought Luc and Yeza here to live for the moment. Caduceus has his tree here, and he’s cooking and gardening and meditating. They’re all happy. It’s odd to go about a day of mundane chores, eating three meals at a table, going to bed in the same place. Rinse. Repeat. A normal life for nearly everyone else in the world, but the last year or so has felt like a lifetime and this feels like a retirement of sorts. 

So this is the time. This is the right time for them, the time they’ve both been waiting for. 

Fjord and Jester go on their first date. And it’s fun, because Jester is fun, and they know each other so well, and they  _ click _ . They have so many things to talk about, shared experiences that they recount with mirth and little things from their lives before. It’s the best first date Fjord has ever had, and it seems like it’s the right thing, this is the path he was meant to be on, he and Jester feel good. 

They head back to the house together after dinner and a walk through the always-dark streets as shops close up and taverns spill out, her arm linked gently through his, her skirt swishing against his leg as they walk. Her hand is warm against the back of his wrist, the gentle brush of fingers that is unintentional but not unpleasant. Fjord thinks he wouldn’t hate the idea if they went to bed together right now- but Jester pauses at the door. 

“I’ve had such a lovely night, Fjord,” she says. “I’m really glad we got to do this.”

“Me too, Jessie,” Fjord nods, taking her hand in his,rubbing his thumb gently over the back of her knuckles.

“I’d thank you for walking me to my door, but it’s your door too. So- but still, it’s been lovely,” Jester nods, smiling sweetly. “Thank you.”

She leans up and kisses his cheek, squeezing his hand and walking through the door. 

Fjord waits outside for a few moments. Maybe she doesn’t want to rush anything, and that’s okay, of course. Take it slow because there’s a lot of history, they both have a lot of history. And they have time for slow. He searches for the little bead of disappointment but it’s not there. At least it’s nowhere immediate. He’s just happy. Content. 

He heads inside and crosses the hallway to go to the spiral stairs. He always goes for these ones, for some reason. They bring him a little closer to his room, he supposes, but they also go all the way up to Caduceus. That’s where Fjord goes now.

It’s a still night, which means the air on the roof is warm and smells of the plants, and earth, and incense. Caduceus is there, softly lit up by the lights on the tree. It’d taken a while to get used to seeing him out of armour, in just soft linen or silk that flows around him like he’s in control of the air itself. He’s bulked up a lot in the time they’ve known him, Fjord can really see that now, the slightly broader shoulders and chest, the fabric clinging tighter over his front. His hair is tied up in a piece of cord, high on his head, a few stray strands falling down over his face, mostly white now that he’s spent so long out of his armour and away from the pink lichen that coloured it. 

Fjord leans against the wall watching him, watching how Caduceus’ gentle fingers brush over the tree. When the wind blows it carries the soft sound of Caduceus humming towards him, along with the smells that seem to fill Fjord up, as though sating a hunger. Caduceus’ ears flick slightly, but he doesn’t turn his head, doesn’t acknowledge Fjord is there for the moment, even though it’s impossible for him to not have noticed. There’s no reason for either of them to break the peace. 

Caduceus does eventually though, once he’s finished his delicate administrations to the tree, turning towards Fjord and smiling with such warmth it’s almost palpable, tingles all through him. 

“Good evening, Fjord. Would you like some tea?” Caduceus pushes some hair back behind his ear, and it immediately drifts forward again. The urge to reach out and tuck it back is sudden and intense, but Fjord manages to stop the movement before it starts. “You can tell me about your date.”

“Tea would be great,” Fjord replies, finally making his way closer, looking down at the little plants that are starting to spring up in the beds around the edge of the garden, sectioned off with bits of brick and clay to divide the space. “We don’t have to talk about the date-”

Caduceus’ head turns quickly in his direction, confusion etched on his face, his brow drawn in a frown. It’s quite an extreme reaction from someone so docile. But he doesn’t push Fjord’s statement, instead just ducking into his little hut and returning with his kettle and two mugs, taking himself to the base of a tree and setting everything down. 

“I need to show you something, actually,” he says as he puts the kettle on to heat, stepping over to Fjord. “Come, I hope you like it.”

Intrigued, Fjord follows him around to the other side of the tree. Caduceus has never disappointed him before with his surprises (the sword that he carried around to have reforged for Fjord, the pendant he had made in that same forge for Fjord, just for Fjord, personal and thoughtful and resting against his chest beneath his shirt-) so he trusts that this will be something pretty interesting. Caduceus stops and gestures down, his face so happy that Fjord really hopes he understands this surprise. It wouldn’t be the first time one of them was excited about something completely bizarre and inexplicable. 

There’s the little pool of water that Caduceus had set up as part of making his tree of worship, the pool he made for Fjord and Uk’otoa, and then Fjord and the Wildmother. Now, floating in the middle of it all on its own is a bright pink flower reminiscent of Caduceus’ hair. Which is nice. Fjord likes that. 

“Well, that’s lovely,” he says, kneeling down to get a closer look. Caduceus follows him to his knees, their arms and legs touching. Caduceus is so warm. Fjord can feel the fuzz of Caduceus’ fur against his skin. 

“Isn’t it? I was so surprised to see it,” Caduceus says, breathless, his tone deep and warm. “Fjord, this doesn’t grow anywhere around here. It only grows out on the islands off of the Menagerie Coast. I had to ask Essek to find me a book and look it up. I don’t know how it made it here.” He’s almost thrumming with excitement, Fjord can feel it from their proximity, and it excites him, too. 

“Wow,” he says in a whisper. “Maybe Melora brought it here-?” 

“That’s what I thought,” Caduceus rumbles quietly. “And I thought it was a symbol of you flowering, blossoming from what you were before, finding your way into difficult places and making them better.”

“It looks more like you,” Fjord says, reverence in his voice as he looks at the flower. “Bright. Surprising. Beautiful.” 

Caduceus, for the second time, turns his head quickly towards Fjord. Fjord hears the word as it leaves his lips, and there’s no way of taking it back. He turns his head slowly, and suddenly there’s very little space between them. From this distance he can see the little flecks of lilac in Caduceus’ irises. Fjord’s heart skips, that shiver of anticipation that comes before a kiss running through him. A first kiss. It’s a thrill and he wants to chase it. 

Fuck, he wants to chase it. 

Caduceus smiles and then stands smoothly, moving away so quickly it makes Fjord’s head spin at the loss. “Tea’s ready.”

Fjord aches. He aches but he manages to swallow it down and go for some tea. And even after that, even with his heart beating a little quicker than before, it’s so easy. Caduceus and he lean against the tree, their legs stretched out in front of them, and Fjord tells Caduceus a myth of the sea. In return he gets a story that Caduceus and his siblings were told as kids to make them behave. It’s nice. It’s so nice. 

When Fjord goes back down to bed he can hear laughter coming from the girls’ room. He’s really happy. 

* * *

The next day follows the usual pattern; Caduceus makes breakfast, they all chat shit, then ask each other if there’s anything they need to do. There never is. Caleb is going to see Essek, Yasha is going to read up on the roof, which pleases Caduceus. Veth and Yeza are going to work in their chemistry lab. Fjord thinks he should ask Jester if she wants to go out for lunch or something, but she then asks Beau if she wants to go shopping. They don’t need anything, but Jester always comes back with something and convinces everyone they did genuinely need it all along-

So Fjord spends the early half of the day in the training room, then goes in for some reading, and then he heads up to the roof. Yasha is lounging, reading, and Caduceus is dirty, pulling up the vegetables he’s grown for them. Both of Fjord’s companions greet him with silent smiles, Caduceus’ a little bigger and brighter than Yasha’s, not that Fjord notices. 

There’s an hour or so when the three of them exist in peace, and then Yasha decides she’s going to go to the training room, exiting with a soft goodbye and then the gentle closing of the trapdoor. Fjord remains where he is, reading, at ease as Caduceus continues his work.To stretch out his muscles Fjord gets up to go around the tree, to look at the flower growing in what was once Uk’otoa’s shrine. The centre of it, where the petals converge, is slightly paler pink, almost white. Even more like Caduceus’ hair-

_ Beautiful _ . He’d said that. Yesterday. He’d called Caduceus beautiful and he’d wanted to kiss him. Now that Fjord is thinking about it again he wants it desperately. Wants to be back in that moment so that he can take it-

When he moves back to the more open part of the garden he sees Caduceus sat down in a meditative pose with his back against the outside wall, eyes closed, hands loose on his knees. The sweet scent in the air has picked up slightly, and Fjord knows the Wildmother is here. With her favourite child. Fjord smiles, going to sit down opposite Caduceus, assuming the same pose. He knows Caduceus won’t mind the company, he’s always so patient with Fjord when it comes to anything regarding their faith. Or just about anything, really. Their knees are just touching, Fjord is hyperaware of that proximity, and the nearness of Caduceus’ fingers. 

There’s still wonder in Fjord when they do this, the way he feels when he lets himself go, sinking down into a meditation, when Melora is there embracing him, and how loved he feels. He wonders- he hopes that Caduceus still feels this immense love, because if anyone deserves it it’s the man opposite him. 

“Thank you, Mother, for the seeds you have nourished in the earth you have provided, for the fruits that have grown under your love,” Caduceus whispers, giving volume to words he had only been mouthing, sensing Fjord’s closeness and the need to share. “Thank you for the variety, for the knowledge you put into each potential bloom, for them to know how to grow, how to reach for the sunlight, how to flourish. For the seeds that you put in the strangest of places that turn into the most wondrous of your creations.”

Fjord opens his eyes then, as a warm breeze blows around them, tousling their hair. Caduceus’ whips around his face which he leans into the wind, as though leaning into a kiss, the gentle embrace of his goddess. 

He’s really fucking beautiful.

Fjord stares at him, drinks him in, feels the weight of the pendant against his chest again. One of the many, many gifts this wonderful man has given him. 

Then he speaks.

“Thank you, Mother, for the wonderful things you have planted on this earth that give rise to others,” Fjord whispers. “For the strong plants that grow where it shouldn’t be possible, to show that it can be done. That anything can happen. To...make the ground good for other seeds. Thank you.”

Fjord hesitates a moment, and then reaches out for Caduceus' hands, gently holding his fingers, stroking the back of them with his thumbs, a little caress. 

Caduceus’ eyes open, a sweet, serene smile on his face that puts another skip in Fjord’s heartbeat. “You’re really getting good at that.”

“You’re very inspiring,” Fjord whispers, smiling back. The wind blows again, making the lights above them clack together softly. 

  
  


Dinner is the new vegetables that Caduceus’ has harvested, along with some kind of meat substitute and it’s really fucking delicious. Everyone is content, then full, and Caduceus is beaming at the satisfaction all around him. He likes to make things flourish, his friends included. The evening then descends into a dramatic reading of the new dirty book that Jester and Beau found whilst they were out shopping, performed in the lounge with Beau playing the hero, a rich, high born half-elf who falls in love with Jester’s character, the poor, lowly, but beautiful human girl with amazing magic powers. 

It’s ridiculous. It’s excellent. There’s something warm and homey about watching his friends laugh uninhibited for a few hours that makes Fjord so happy. Caleb is laughing, which is still odd but becoming a little more familiar, and Caduceus lets out little rumbling noises at the strangest points, which is also very endearing. He’s on the loveseat opposite Fjord, sitting with Yasha, twirling his hair around his fingers, so attentive to his friends and everything they say and do as they act their way through Vanco and Sulwyn’s love story.

Fjord goes to bed happy. A new normal he wouldn’t have dared dreamt he could have. 

  
  


When, at breakfast the next morning, Jester doesn’t have anything particularly solid planned for the day, Fjord suggests they go for lunch. The two of them. Without saying it he knows the implication is there that this is a date. A second date. And he knows everyone else knows. 

“Sure, Fjord,” Jester smiles at him from across the table. “We can go about midday?”

It leaves Fjord with a few hours free, one of which he spends in the training room, part of another of which he spends getting ready. None of them have particularly expansive wardrobes, none of them have had a lot of occasion to buy more than what is practical, but Fjord has some nice shirts and at least two pairs of pants that haven’t had gore on them at some point. 

He has a little more time to spare, so he heads up to the roof again. He doesn’t know why, really, It’s just peaceful, it’s a good place to get his head together. 

Caduceus is there, watering the plants. He hums as he walks around, for the benefit of the plants or himself or both, it doesn’t matter, but it brings a smile to Fjord’s face. 

The twitch of Caduceus’ ears says he’s heard Fjord arrive, but he won’t say anything, Fjord knows that. People can come up here and just be and Caduceus will slip them a cup of tea but not impose in any other way unless they ask. 

“Hey,” Fjord says, going to look at some of the newly watered plants. “Everyone good up here?”

“We’re all very good,” Caduceus smiles warmly, turning to him. “And you look wonderful, Fjord,” he adds, looking Fjord up and down with a weight in his gaze that feels tangible.

“Thank you,” Fjord says softly, nodding, crossing his arms over his chest shyly. There’s a little flush of happiness at the compliment. Caduceus is always so generous with his compliments. 

He moves around the tree to look at the flower again. It’s brilliant and bright, perfectly content here in the middle of nowhere, far from home. Helped by the Wildmother, sure, but mostly by the man who is now talking to some vegetables that haven’t quite broken the surface of the soil yet. What in the world did they do to deserve Caduceus?

“May I ask a question?” Fjord asks once the pep talk is over. He doesn’t want to take Caduceus’ attention away from the plants, he has to share as much as he, selfishly, doesn’t want to. 

“Of course, always,” Caduceus straightens up, wiping his forehead with his hand, a little streak of dirt standing out starkly on his pale fur. 

“Does the Wildmother- are we expected to only seek relationships with her followers?” Fjord asks. It’s probably something he should have thought about before now. Asked about before now. 

“Oh, no, not at all,” Caduceus replies, smiling warmly. “Love is love, Fjord. She just wants you to flourish, to do good in her name, to love whoever you love and nurture them, help them grow.”

Fjord’s heart skips at how close to home that touches. All of the nurture Caduceus has put into him. Even when he was following a darker path, he knew Caduceus would be there, healing, helping, offering words of encouragement. 

“You and Jester are good people doing good things in the world. And if you choose to follow the Traveller then you still made an important impact under Her name. You still did good, planted some beautiful things,” Caduceus continues, his hands tucked into the big pockets in the front of his gardening apron. His expression is still gentle and serene, so absolute in his belief in the best of Fjord. 

Fjord opens his mouth to ask if Caduceus would be angry if he chose to follow someone else’ god, but he knows that the firbolg would just smile and wish him well. Fjord’s happiness is important to Caduceus. So he closes his mouth again and moves back around the tree, closer to his friend, who is still patiently attentive in case Fjord has more questions. Caduceus’ soul is so radiant Fjord has no idea how the cleric can stand to look at him, when everything inside Fjord still feels tainted and cloudy, still touched by a dark entity that manipulated him and tried to destroy his friends. 

“Don’t ever- change. Or leave,” Fjord says before he can stop himself, immediately looking away even as his feet take him the few more paces that lead him to Caduceus’ orbit. 

“I don’t think there’s any concern in either of those things, Fjord. I’m more than content here. With all of you. What a wonderful destiny to have found.”

Fjord’s eyes return to Caduceus, looking at him with so much wonder, awe, love inside him he thinks he’s going to explode. 

“If you did leave I’d follow you,” he says, meaning for it to sound like a threat though it falls short of that by a mile. 

“I’m sure we’d find somewhere lovely to live,” Caduceus replies with such gentle sincerity that the picture pops into Fjord’s mind with ease. A little house, lots of blossoming trees, butterflies, Caduceus tending plants, Fjord painting the fence. 

He blinks. It fades. But Caduceus is standing there looking at him with that same sweet patience. 

Fjord looks up at the smudge on the firbolg’s head and reaches up to brush it away with his thumb. There’s a moment when he’s sure Caduceus leans into the touch, when they’re back into that moment where there is nothing in the world but them, everything fading back so it’s just the two of them, that point of contact something heavy and more intentional that Fjord realised. He can feel the tingle under his fingertips as they come to rest on the closely shaven hair on one side of the cleric’s head. Caduceus’ eyelashes flutter for a moment, and one hand lifts from his oversized pocket, inching towards Fjord over the small space between them. Anticipation twists in Fjord’s chest, butterflies explode in his belly, he wants to grab this moment now, satisfy that need-

“Hey, Fjord!” Jester’s voice rings from the trapdoor, breaking the moment, making Fjord’s stomach swoop in a sudden drop. “Come on, you’re late!”

“Enjoy your date. Have a lovely time,” Caduceus smiles, withdrawing his hand and stepping back. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Yeah. See ya, Deucey.”

* * *

  
  


They go to a bakery for lunch. Fjord has soup served in a bread bowl. Jester has a small sandwich and then a plate of pastries. They laugh over the dramatic reading of her most recent purchase and it’s fun and comfortable for a while. 

Then Jester sips her milk and grows serious. 

  
“Fjord, I think we need to talk about something,” she starts, and Fjord is immediately forlorn, because no good conversation begins that way, and he’s seen enough other people break up to know that’s how it usually goes, and they haven’t even started properly yet-

“Oh?” he asks thickly, tapping his spoon against his bread bowl anxiously, the soft drumming sound matching pace with his now racing heartbeat. 

Jester reaches out her hand to touch his, stilling it. 

“Fjord, I think I might be a little bit gay,” she says quietly, her face apologetic, her eyes imploring. “And I think you might be, too.”

He blinks at her, his mind blank. Completely wiped. 

“I have feelings for Beau,” Jester continues, voice slow but clear and earnest. “And I want to see where that goes. And I want you to be happy with Caduceus.”

Fjord’s mouth opens to ready a protest that isn’t there. Not a single good argument springs to mind. 

“You look at him like he’s your whole world, Fjord. You look at him all the time. You watch him, and you get this expression on your face, and there was a time when I so desperately wanted that look aimed at me. But when I saw you looking at him like that I was so excited for you. That someone could make you feel like that. Literally the nicest person in the universe-”

Fjord nods mutely. 

“-I saw you when I came up earlier, the way you were looking at each other, and even if I didn’t have feelings for Beau I wouldn’t want to come between that.”

“I don’t-”

“Wait,” Jester squeezes his hand. “I saw you yesterday as well.”

Fjord frowns. “Yesterday?”

“I came up to the roof to tell you we were back and you were communing. Or Caduceus was, I think, and you were holding hands. And the look on your face, you were looking at him with so much love, Fjord-” she’s smiling as she says it, even as her eyes fill with tears. “I think we missed our chance, and I think that’s okay. I love you so much, and it’ll never change.”

“I love you, too,” Fjord manages to reply. 

“Tell Caduceus,” Jester whispers. “How you feel. He knows but maybe he doesn’t understand and he’ll need to hear it from you.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” he nods. It’s true. It’s all falling into place gently, settling comfortably inside him. “He’s wonderful.”

“He is,” Jester nods, laughs, a few tears spilling down her cheeks. 

“And Beau is great. She’s so great.”

“Yeah, she’s even nicer when you get her on her own. There’s a lot of front.”

“I believe that,” Fjord chuckles, bringing her fingers to his lips and kissing them. “I’m happy for you.”

“I’m happy for you too, Fjord.”

They smile warmly at each other across the table. And it’s okay. It’s really okay. 

“We’ve got a really gay house, Jessie.”

“Oh, I know,” Jester laughs. “It’s just Veth, being all married to a man and stuff, letting the team down.”

“There’s always one,” Fjord chuckles, rolling his eyes playfully. It’s really okay. They missed their chance, and though there’s an ache for what could have been there’s also what there actually is. And that’s exciting. 

They walk back home, arms linked. Jester has a few additional pastries that she’s going to share with Beau and Yasha later, and Fjord thinks he should get something for Caduceus. Just as a gift, it doesn’t have to mean anything, even if it means everything. He settles on a packet of mixed seeds from one of the fruit and vegetables stalls they pass, knowing the excitement of not knowing what will grow will keep Caduceus happy for a long time. 

Jester kisses his cheek again when they get to the door. “Everything’s going to be great,” she beams. “Treat him good.”

“Make sure Beau takes care of you,” Fjord says in reply, and though they’re standing close the world doesn’t fade around him. 

“I can deal with her, don’t worry,” Jester grins, then bounds in through the door, announcing their arrival with a loud bellow. 

Fjord takes the stairs up, circling around until he reaches the garden, pushing up the trap door and stepping out into the soft light beneath the permanent dark sky. 

He doesn’t see Caduceus. His feet take him to the tree, to the pool, to the flower. He smiles as he looks at it, then squats down to peer closer. A little bud is pushing up beneath the petals, growing to the side. 

“You’re really getting comfortable, hm?” he asks, then realises he’s talking to the plants the way Caduceus does. It fills him with warmth. How could it not? “You picked a good place to make a home. You couldn’t ask for anyone better to take care of you. He’s taken really good care of me for a long time now-” 

“Are you comparing yourself to a plant again?” Caduceus’ voice makes Fjord jump, looking up to see his friend leaning against the tree, soft smile on his face. 

“What would you compare me to?” Fjord teases as he stands up, an undeniable swagger in his step as he moves closer to Caduceus. 

“I think a plant is accurate,” Caduceus replies, his body tilting a little towards Fjord as he draws closer. “Something a little hardier than soft petals, though. You’re like the moss that grows in the dark, determined to be alive despite the odds being stacked against you. And when you reach the light, when the sun finally finds you it’s obvious how glorious you are, how intricate and hardy and determined-”

Fjord reaches out a hand and smooths it over Caduceus’ chest, admiring the newer firmness with something just shy of desire. 

“You make me sound a lot more exceptional than I am,” he murmurs, reaching the fur of Caduceus’ neck, stroking a thumb over it lightly. Caduceus’ eyes flutter shut for a moment, smile still soft, still receptive. 

“That’s not possible,” the firbolg whispers. “Words don’t do you justice.”

Fjord’s chest aches, and he wonders why he thought he could ignore this. His fingers reach the back of Caduceus’ neck, bringing them into that proximity that creates sparks between them and slows the world down. 

“I love you,” Fjord says, a flutter of panic running through him that maybe he’d really gotten this wrong. 

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to say that,” Caduceus replies in an exhale, for the first time a little hitch of something deeper and emotional in his voice, rather than steady and calm and sure. Tension Fjord hadn’t noticed was there seeps out of Caduceus’ body. “I love you.”

Relief and excitement converge in Fjord’s chest and his eyes water, but he doesn’t have time for that right now. 

“I’m going to kiss you,” he says, standing up on tiptoe, met halfway by Caduceus stooping slightly until their lips meet. 

It feels like fireworks. 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy. This is the first CR fic I've posted, but I have a ton that I'm working on because Fjorclay kick started my desire to write again. Romantic religion-sharing boys killed that writers block! So I might be spamming with fics over the next few days since I'm taking some well earned leave from work.
> 
> Holla at me at Tulikettu#0322 on discord for some fangirling.


End file.
